Monday morning blues

Some days are lonely here in the midst of "the Big Easy." There's so much history, fun, and vitality all around me, but it occasionally feels like I'm watching a movie, instead of being a participant in all this wonder. The feeling comes and goes. I know what to do when this sort of malaise overcomes me. Get up and move!! I don't normally wallow in self pity (any longer than it takes to write here, anyway). And likely, by the time anyone reads these words my mood will have shifted and I'll be fully engaged in one thing or another. It's fascinating to me how fragile (and flexible!!) our (my) psyche can be.

My kids are grown, my mom is well looked after, my husbands career is steady, it's my turn. I'm ready to immerse myself into a life as an artist. Actually, imagining having the opportunity to create art, in the center of my day, rather than doggedly trying to fit it in around the edges, had tremendous appeal in giving myself permission to move so far away from our family and friends. All my adult life, I've looked forward to (and admired the person who's already accomplished this) the occasion to make a dedication to my family. Like the ones you might read in a book jacket;

".... and I'd like to thank my family for going without clean underwear or hot meals while I pursued [art]."

Now, just as the unfolding of my life has presented me with the opportunity of pursuing my artistic bent, full time, I find I'm faltering at the starting gate, I'm strangely unfocused and lethargic. What's up with that?

You know what I just thought??? Writing here is another mechanism for stalling. It's time to "Get up and Move!!! Let's see what the day brings.....

my

musings on two incredible forces of nature

What a day! Ted Kennedy's televised funeral took place today, August 29th, and this is the fourth anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. Two amazing, juxtaposed forces of positive and negative energy. I wonder what, if anything, to make of this confluence of events. The senator's service was very moving, speaking volumes of the love and respect held for this man and the work he'd accomplished in his life of public service. What I've witnessed of the recovery of New Orleans from the crippling blow dealt by Katrina, this part of the world has a spirit and resiliency to be envied anywhere! Maybe the power of the human spirit to persevere, often against staggering odds, is the lesson I should be pondering today.

Yesterday so many of you wrote, encouraging me about this idea of my blogging to chronicle my first year in New Orleans. Thank you! Some wrote (via emails) that they didn't know how to log on to post a reply. I'm sorry to say I don't have answer, but I hope any of you interested in responding will preserve until you find the course, then let the rest of us know, or, if you already possess this wisdom, please share it with us!! I'm so looking forward to an on going dialogue with you all.

As I prepared for the move down here (it took two years from the time John took a position here) for me to actually get in the car and head south) so many things plagued my mind and heart. Some were "reasonable" concerns, from how hard it would be to leave the "kids", (average age 30!) what it would be like to say goodbye to our friends, our parents, and community we loved, and then, getting the house ready for sale was a whole other [GIANT] can of worms (we ended up renting it). Other concerns, more theoretical, began to creep into my "worry zone." For instance, would I take John's grandmothers beautiful, ancient writing desk with us, because I love it, knowing I'll be risking having to leave it behind if a hurricane were to come barreling in over the city and force us to evacuate. The alternative would be to place it in storage in Washington St. where it would sit, for who know how long, with no one enjoying it at all. I had this kind of discussion with myself over and over again, about many things, until I realized how materialistic I sounded, even to myself.

It's stuff. Pure and simple, just stuff. One piece of stuff might be more beautiful, or useful, or have more history, than another, but it's still stuff none the less! Last night, while talking with a friend, she told me a story about a friend of hers who had lost a son to suicide. This friend of a friend said after the loss of her son; nothing else in the world matters to her now except relationships! It's the same reality I had (ever so slowly) come to grips with during my plotting and planning for the big move to NOLA!! All the wonderful stuff that decorates our lives, is just that; stuff. It's the people you love that are important!

If one day we have to get in the car and drive away from what ever danger is presenting its self, we can fondly remember (or not) the "stuff" we leave behind, but we'll end up with each other to hold on to, and that's what really matters.

thanks for "listening"
my

Friday, August 28, 2009

I hope this is the start of something revealing. I hope I learn, and grow, and find answers. Maybe I hope to stir things up, offer ideas, or pose questions without easy answers. Who knows... We'll see what happens.

Mostly I'm looking for a place to "diary" my adventures in this strange alien land, called New Orleans. Having lived my whole life in the Pacific Northwest, coming here to join my husband on what we refer to as the "Great Adventure" took all the courage and blind faith I could muster. I left behind grown children, grandchildren, the autonomy of having lived and worked in the same community for decades, a home I loved and the family and friends, the life I love.

I love my husband. I love the possibilities for growth and adventure that await us here but I miss things familiar. I miss discussing, with passion, politics and religion, the ordinary things of our lives. I miss knowing how to drive to the store or friend's house. I miss saying, "turn left where the Safeway used to be." because I know where the Safeway used to be.

I don't know my new neighbors and friends yet, and they don't know me. I feel daunted at the time it will take to build, meaningful relationships and yet I know I can't settle for less. I'm pretty sure the emotional roller coaster I'm riding right now is good old fashioned Homesickness. I know I'll get beyond that, I'm resilient. I believe I'll learn and grow in this new environment because I'm curious and optimistic. I hope I'll contribute to some greater good, outside my own personal need, because I'm a child of God and I have responsibility to the family.

If you read what I write, I hope my words will count for more than a meandering (hopefully sometimes focused) retelling of my life and times in New Orleans. I hope you would challenge me with your own thoughts and energy. If anything I write resonates with your experiences, I invite you to share that experience with me, maybe we'll both find solace. If you find humor or wisdom or even blatant bizzare/wrong thinking, tell me your prospective. I count on we human beings caring enough to not only love and respect each other but to challenge one another and be held accountable beyond ourselves.