Adjustments

Today I sold a chair to a neighbor. Not only did she buy the chair, but she commissioned me to paint some other wooden furniture she already has. This "being an artist" thing sometimes takes me by surprise. I never know when the label will overtake some perfectly ordinary moment in my day. It's one thing to enjoy what I do, hobby or otherwise, but it's quite another layer to call myself "artist" and then risk putting my my work out there, being vulnerable to the critique of the world. I don't think it's false modesty to wonder whether or not any piece of work I'm offering is worthy of someone else's notice. I think it may be human nature. Well, it's certainly mine, and I'm human! I wonder if there's a magic moment, in the life of an artist, when they suddenly realize they have become absolutely sure of the quality of their work and the esteem with which the public will receive it, and so they are no longer reluctant to "put it out there"? Just a wonderment, no answer forthcoming or necessary.

Yesterday, John and I and some friends walked to a horse racing track about three miles from our house. It was a lovely afternoon and we thought it might be fun to go watch the horses race. It was all of the above! I'm struck over and over at how close everything is here, and how willing we are to walk. We walk to the park several times a week, we walk to the grocery store, we walk to friends homes, it's even possible to walk to church, but I'd have to get up earlier and (for now) that's not something I'm willing to do! ;-)

I started a job last week! Not a big thing, but something that will be, or at least holds the potential to be, very rewarding. A friend of mine is the director of a small child care center, at a women's and children's homeless shelter, and she has asked me to come offer some art projects for the children, possibly involving the mom's as well at some point. I'll also be part of the child care team, but bringing art into these young peoples lives is really what draws me. I read a book many years ago, by Julia Cameron, called "The Artist Way." As much as such a thing is possible, the book changed my life! I hope to pass on at least some of the wisdom and vision of Cameron to these children.

There have been days lately, when Pt. Orchard and our lives there, seem so far away, like a story I knew once. Other days, a smell or a sound will trigger such vivid memories of our life and times there, our family and friends left behind, that it's all I can do not to drop to my knees weeping over the loss. It's definitely a difficult and sometimes weird balancing act, psychically. One night recently, we were walking in the French Quarter leaving a pub, after having just listened to a friends band playing there. I found myself smiling somewhat smuggly (inwardly) over the fact that I live here and most of the people passing by were "just" tourists. Most any other day, usually while attempting to drive somewhere, anywhere, I find myself so frustrated at having to learn a whole new series of routes to get anywhere! I just want to go "home" and drive those very familiar roads again, resting in the confident knowledge I know where everything is and how to get there.

When I was a kid, we moved all the time. But, as an adult and mother, I wanted something different for my kids, so we pretty much stayed put, moving only to different homes within Kitsap Co. I absolutely hated all those childhood moves!! (Thirteen different schools before the 9th grade) Now, hindsight being such as it is, I recognize those moves gave me a "gift" of sorts. Moving often forced me to adapt, quickly! I became very adept at finding my niche, my circle of friends, and making some kind of order in each new environment. Now, I wonder if it's been so long since I was the "new kid" that I've lost that gift? Well, I guess it can't be completely lost because I am adapting, I am finding my niche and my circle of friends, it just seems so much more tramatic now that it did when I was younger. Maybe I just spend to much time inside my head or typing here.

Tonight we're having dinner with friends, we'll laugh together, swap more of our life stories with one another, reveal a bit more or our "tender under bellys" and grow that much closer in the process. We're streghtening our friendshp foundations, while we individuually and occassionally collectively, make our way into the lives we've chosen. They're adjusting, I'm adjusting, who could ask for more?

Namaste'
my

Sweet Time

I haven't taken any time lately to sit down and organize my thoughts here. I miss writing to myself, to my few readers, and especially to my devoted husband, who is my most honest, loving, supportive, reader. One reason for the lack of posts is the calm in my life right now. No great obstacles to recognize and overcome, no overwhelming sense of loss to deal with and no pressing commitments to juggle. I noted to no one in particular the other day, since moving to New Orleans, I haven't been late for anything! That's a real divergence from my former life where I felt late, slightly behind, all the time!! I have this growing, wonderful sense of freedom from the "have to's" and the "must do's." It's a pretty addictive way of approaching life, I like it!

I'm walking a lot more, 3 to 6 miles a day. I'm "reading" a lot more too. Listening to books on tape while I walk, must count as some kind of reading(right?). And, most fun of all, I'm getting lots of chairs ready for a craft fair at the end of Nov. If I'm lucky enough to get a space in this particular one, I believe it will help turn the tide from a sale here and there, to a true business with chairs moving out as fast as I can get them painted.

There was a major milestone in the life of my family recently. I hesitate to write about it here, because of privacy issues, but since so few people frequent this blog, and I won't use names, I think it will be OK. My oldest granddaughter, daughter of my second son, turned 18! I know most of us(all?) parents/grandparents feel the rush of time most exquisitely when we watch how rapidly the children in our lives grow from infant to adult. This is such a common phenomenon, you'd think we'd grow immune to its sting, but that seems not to be the case. I'm a curious mixture of proud, sad, excited, and scared over this milestone birthday.

In wisdom beyond their teenaged years, my son and his then girlfriend, made the heart wrenchingly hard decision to relinquish custody of their daughter at birth. They knew they were not ready to become parents. What began in pain, has grown into an extraordinary relationship between myself and the adoptive parents. The faithfulness of my granddaughters adoptive mother to maintain contact with me, through letters and pictures, all these years, is one of the purest blessings of my life! I've actually thought, from time to time, that it's probably she I look most forward to meeting, even more than my granddaughter! Ironic! She is a devoted mother, strong and selfless and I admire everything about her. A time in my life I referred to, in the moment, as the darkest hour, has become a joy filled situation, surrounded with love shared for a precious child, recently turned woman, all due to the commitment, compassion and grace of this woman, this perfect, gift from God, the mother of my granddaughter.

Now we all of a sudden, find ourselves nearing the time when we might all meet and establish a whole new kind of relationship. Recently the birth mother, myself and my son have reconnected, and soon the birth mother hopes to initiate contact with the child she bore and her family. It's swirling around us now, this energy of something wonderful, yet scary, approaching. Personally, I'm very content to just bask in that energy right now. Let the changes happen in a very deliberate and non-hurried manner. This set of circumstances has been a source of joy to me for eighteen years, and I'm just not in a hurry to see it change.

You, my faithful readers, can be sure there will be more stories to tell, this adventure, and all of it's inter connected chapters, has barely just begun. It's time to go paint a bit on a chair and then take a walk. I love these times of my life. Sweet time!