Here I am, doggedly trying to write something of significance. Something proving, at least, to myself I'm learning and growing and not totally, hopelessly confused, lost and homesick here in beautiful downtown (uptown?) New Orleans.
Last night we had a wonderful dinner party. In acknowledgment of the Labor Day Weekend upon us, I had a picnic theme for dinner. Fried chicken, potato salad and corn on the cob (didn't do my famous baked beans :( I'll save them for another day.) The conversation was lively and engaging, and (if I do say so myself) the food was good and plentiful. Actually is was the best time I've had, around our table, since leaving Washington St.
I know I'm much too impatient. I want to instantly be enmeshed in a network of friends and involvement. I KNOW, building that kind of framework takes weeks and months, even years, to accomplish. I don't know if we have years here and do know I miss what I had, I want it replaced now!!!! It's hard being green... no wait, I mean it's hard being me! I'll keep reminding myself, baby steps, Myra, baby steps.
This afternoon, Em and I are going to the Presbyterian church, to work on an ongoing community project. (Constructing a huge stained glass window for display at the church). My first reaction to the invitation was "no thanks" but I've reconsidered. I have to start somewhere. Emmy and John are singing with the choir of this church family, and have made a solid connections with the community. I've attended a couple of services to hear the musical offerings and I've greatly enjoyed the sermons I've heard from the pastor. I don't much about the Presbyterian theology (and I don't really even much care) but it seems to be a gentle place to hang out til I decide on a course for myself. To church or not to church, that's the question.
talk to you (well, me ) later,
my
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Myra,
ReplyDeleteWell here goes - another new technology. It makes me think of my grandmother when phones came to town. I don't really know how old she was (I was not quite a teenager & she was "OLD"). She actually probably was younger than I am now. She struggled with the new technology & never really came to grips with it. My oft-repeated story is of her calling to remind us of the upcoming Thanksgiving dinner. I said "Hello", she said "Bring green beans & don't be late." & hung up. I looked at the phone aghast - when were we supposed to be there? Was this about Thanksgiving - still a few days away? Did she even know she'd gotten the right person or household? Over the years this approach to the phone didn't ever much change for her.
Well technology is going much faster now & I've learned to cope with a lot of things I never dreamed of as a kid or even younger woman. But I believe I have to stay connected. My grandaughter has a "Blackberry" & an IPod, & uses them (incessantly, it seems). She has a web page. And I'm just going to my first "blog".
On to something you said that touched me - wanting to get connected to the new community. I remember moving to Port Orchard from Olympia, where I had many friends, a church, a folkdance group, other groups I belonged to. And suddenly a new community, where I knew no-body. And when I retired, I didn't even have the connection with work. I felt isolated. I joined the quilt guild - I was a stranger (I think we call it that because we feel "strange")- no one knew me & I knew no one there. A couple of people were friendly, but not engaging. I had to do the work - & it was work - to get to know people, to show them who I was & what I wanted to do in this group. Now, 3 years later, I'm secretary (elected to the office over a well-known member), am on the quilt show committee, etc. I know a lot of people & it seems a lot of people know me. So I got the connection I wanted & needed.
To you I send warm wishes that you will find where you want to be connected, & even though there seems to be such a long time when no one really knows you, to remember that like the spring blossoms, before they bloom, the seeds are growing, roots are developing, spouts are being sent up (& all of this is invisible) until one glorious day when the blossom says "I have arrived - the sun is shining, the ground is warm, & there is a whole garden of other blooms growing with me."
I think of you often, & it helps me remember that unlike in older days, when someone moved & seemed to cease to exhist, we have many ways to keep our connections across great distances. In that we are lucky.
Namaste',
Marscha
Marscha!
ReplyDeleteI'm so thrilled to hear from you. Your tender words of encouragement brought tears to my eyes. Thank you!
I haven't written, hadn't even looked at the blog for several days. I'm discouraged and, sometimes, sad. It's obvious what needs to be done, the steps to be taken towards that first foray into the unknown, the "strange" as you put it. Just as you did with the quilting circle, I need to start weavng the fabric of community myself, place those first threads of self on the loom of this life and get busy. The trouble is this process, even just this beginning, often feels like a mountain I'm not able/willing to climb.
There have been wonderful moments, days even. There is no doubt in my mind, coming here was the right thing to do at the right time in my life! And, least my words give the wrong impression, this is not a bleak existence! We have wonderful friends, who seem eager to include us in their lives. I have my husband by my side for the frst tme in two years! The city itself is vital and filled to the rim with things to do and places to see. I have every intention of exploring and expandng my dream of being a full time artist. There is much to be thankful for and much to look forward too.
All ths is true, and yet, there are days when there is such a weight on my heart and mind, where the sensation of missing my children and family and friends is a tangible pressure. In those moments I feel so sad it paralizes me.
Interestingly, my little dog is quite a blessing to my phyche (sorry can't find spell check!). because he needs to walk everyday, I must get off my butt and walk with him. We walk for a half an hour to an hour every morning and, at some point during each and everyone of those walks, a peace fills me and a sense of well being settles over me. Love those endorphines!!
All will be well,I will perservere (again with the spell check!), and I will conquer this malaise. One tiny baby step at a time, one walk with the dog, one evening with friends, one morning at church, whatever it takes. I'm gonna get there.
Encouragement like that in your message is a great part of my victory as well! Thank you again, Marsha, for your kind encouraging words.
Namaste'
my